Don't you just love the Chavs!

Look at these cheeky monkeys. Can you guess what could possibly go wrong? Can you? Can you? Darwin was right

Come On, Own Up.......

Who in the right mind buys this sort of stuff. Add your own jokes about 'Granny Smiths' or 'Cox'

Also whilst I'm on read the 5th entry of the guest book of the inflatable art thingy that blew away. Is it me or should they have removed that entry?

Do you know a copy writer who loves unofficial celebrity endorsement, and hasn't an once of irony in him? You do! I wonder if it's this guy.

Oh, whilst I'm on. How's this to loosen your last meal? It's Cilla Blacks Breasts! Needless to say it ain't safe for work, or come to think about it anywhere for that matter.

You never know what you are going to get when you visit here eh!

Flowerday's Shrill Shrew Killing Botty Burp Shocka!

The Huddersfield Evening Thunder recently ran a disturbing story about the very high levels of methane in the Longwood area. The reports suggested that the disturbing levels could be due to an old 1st World War mustard gas manufacturing site in nearby Oakes. However I can exclusively reveal the truth...

Carlos' bottom can kill at 1000 yards. Indeed, check out the attached picture taken by Carlos himself. A dead shrew in Longwood deaded to death by the arse of the Flowerday. Dis-'gust'-ing. He even seemed to gloat in his email to me; "Look what I've done - aren't I clever" No Carlos your not. You must not kill things with your bottom.

This poor creature died because of your anal methane expulsion issues. A bit like a retarded dwarf - It's not big and it's not clever.

Stay Tuned Fart Fans.

Can we see a anti-tank missle test please...........

Ok, Ok kids -stop your pestering. Here is one. And it's a good one too.

Carlos' Dead Bee........

Here is a picture of Carlos' Deceased Mancunian Bee. It was the property of Carlos, the Worlds Worst Bee Keeper©. He has only one Bee and this is it. It died yesterday. Carlos says the animals death was an accident. Mr Flowerday (18) claims the apis mellifera became agitated whilst being being leashed and died of a heart attack. However, the police are treating the death as suspicious.

It's well known fact that Bees make Honey, but did you know that Wasps make Mustard? I thought not. Here's some more Bee Trivia;

* Honeybees are one of the very few invertebrates in which sleep-like behavior, similar in many respects to mammalian sleep, is known to exist.

* Honey, as well as propolis, has antibiotic properties.

* Honeybees are one of the very few invertebrates that produce a sort of "milk" for their young,royal jelly, which is the only food the larvae will eat early in development.

* Like other social insects, they have an advanced immune system.

* They have specially modified hairs on their body that develop a static electricity charge to attract pollen grains to their bodies.

* They have a well developed sense of time (circadian rhythm).

* It is impossibe to fit more than five bees under the human foreskin at once.

* Their aging is controlled by a hormone which regulates the production of a protein called vitellogenin.

* The honeybee was a prominent political symbol in the empire of Napoleon Bonaparte, representing the Bonapartist bureaucratic and political system.

* Honeybees have a form of non-viable parthenogenesis. Although the workers are able to produce drones as offspring, the drones' main purpose is to mate with the queen. Should the queen die, the drones do not reproduce.

Want to know what a dog would look like if dressed as a bee? then you need to visit www.beedogs.com

*Pats self on back for not making one Bee related pun*

I'm going to stop going out

Behold! Walking to Asda at lunch time I passed this church. Have you seen what the world is coming to.

I don't think it's true. I have it on good authority that Chris can't get it up is a fine man of outstanding morals.

You see I do update this now and again

On my way to work this morning I passed this sign. Very Strange. Anyroad, I thought you may want to look.

Update.....

I haven't updated the Blog recently as I couldn't be arsed I have been really busy. Check back soon!

Snowed Under

I have been literally been hit with a deluge of email (well 1) from the public. Tell us more about that 'Handsome Chris' you cry. Well I try to let you know a little about him- here goes;

Chris (34) works in Spenborough, West Yorkshire as a freelance door knob designer. He lives in Holme Garth, Halifax with his Ginger wife Sarah. He has two Spaniels - 'Razzle' and 'Asian Babes' and a fish called Bob.

'Pethead' meetings keep Christopher busy most weekends, but when not Chairing the East Ardsley Chris Lowe Appreciation Society Chris dedicates his time to his first love - twitching.

No, not bird watching - Chris has a nervous tic.

I hope that does enough to introduce Chris to the public. But if you want to learn anything more about him Chris can be found most evenings in the Halifax Evening Courier, page 3, 'Crime Watch'

Here Goes.....

Off and Running
I'm off and running I guess. What's the photo about? Well, it's not me - hell no- it's my friends (l to r) Carlos Flowerday, Chris Payne and Isaac Hayes. Why have I chosen to publish the photo? Well, it'll give you some idea what Carlos looks like.

He's coming round tonight. His lovely partner Jenny recently exhibited at an Art Gallery. I like her stuff - particulally her biscuit stuff. Anyway I've bought a small piece of hers and it's going on my wall. I'll let you know how I get on. I hope he doesn't bum me. More soon.