Flying, not drowning.......

For the regular readers of this blog (I shit you not when I say some people return here more often than they should) you will be aware that I ha’ve been away. And that involved going on a plane.

Post 11.09.01 flying has taken on a new level of focus for me. In the good old days we had rubbish terrorists. Should your plane get high-jacked it meant had to sit on the tarmac for a few days in a very hot and sweaty 757. Occasionally a high-jacker would shoot someone in the head and chuck them done the plane steps to prove to The Sweeney that they meant the business. I guess the worst you had to do was shit in a TWA coffee pot and put up with the smell. Subject to SAS approval most people got out of high-jacking alive.

Things changed in September ’01. Now high-jacking goes with a 100% chance of being killed very quickly. For me, that puts a different slant on flying.

Prior to 11.09.01 I was very carefree about flying, but because I was out in New York in the Fall of 01, (maybe that'’s a different blog entry for a different day) I now listen to the safety briefing prior to take off.

They use a syntax that is a delight to hear. It proves how rich, deep and malleable the English language is. They chunter on about emergency exits and then they don the lifejacket and deliver one of the best sentences in use in the world today;

"“In the event of a sea landing...."”

A sea landing!! WTF!! I think they mean; "In the event of a crash at sea”." You can just hear the captain thinking; "‘How shall I land today? Hmm, my choices are either a modern airport, near the passport and customs facilities or the cold and dark North Sea, involving certain death for some.Hmmm Decisions, Decisions, Decisions."

How many ‘sea landings’ have you ever had? None? Exactly.

They continue the most perfect of perfect sentences;

"your seat will become a floatation device."”

No, no it won'’t. Your seat is a floatation device. It won'’t become one. Sudden exposure to salt water will not alter it'’s molecular structure.

So again, if I reverse the sentence round to a more accurate and negative (my) viewpoint;

"“In the event of the plane crashing in the sea, and you survive; hold on to anything that you can see floating in the water"”

I don'’t think I'’ll listen to the briefings any more, they scare me.